Due to my baby Clarisse’s constant demand for breastmilk, I have never left her to be cared by someone else throughout her first 10 months. Even during the day, baby Clarisse needs to be nursed to sleep. I bring her along wherever I go.

Now that she’ll be turning one next month, I’m glad to be able to devote all my time and energy to care for her throughout her entire first year but this has to stop somehow. I have decided it’s time for me to get a job and return to the workforce.

Before seriously looking for jobs, there are a few things I need to take care of. First, I have to wean baby Clarisse from breastfeeding. Secondly, my mother has agreed to take care of baby Clarisse and we have to make sure baby Clarisse get used to spending long hours at her grandma’s house gradually.

Last week, I starting taking baby Clarisse to my mother’s house. My husband and I then sneaked out for 30 minutes, without baby Clarisse’s knowledge. When we came back, baby Clarisse cried so pitifully the moment she saw me. Her arms opened wide and when I embraced her, she hugged me so tight with tears kept rolling down her cheeks. Even my mom cried a little. She told me baby Clarisse looked everywhere for me throughout the whole 30 minutes when I’m out. Each time she turn here and there, she’d pout and shed some tears.

So the next day, I took baby Clarisse to my mom’s house again. We stayed for a while and instead of sneaking out, we plan to let her know we’re leaving. When my husband took his car keys out from his pocket, baby Clarisse lunged forward and wants him to carry her. She hugged him so tightly. Then I explained to baby Clarrise that she must stay with grandma for a while because Papa and Momma has to go to work and will be back later. I gave her a kiss on her forehead. Suprisingly she seems to understood what I told her and embraced her grandma. She even wave goodbye at us when grandma told her to. I told my mom to carry her out to the driveway, watch us leave and see how she’d react. To my pleasant surprise, she was perfectly fine and kept waving at us until we drive away.

We came home an hour later and baby Clarisse was sleeping. I was so glad that she was able to sleep without me nursing her. My mother told me that she manage to feed baby Clarisse with 40ml of formula milk (she went breastmilk entirely when she was 2 months old) and behave quite well in that one hour although before baby Clarisse went to sleep she would still look for me.

Therefore, I wouldn’t take separation anxiety for granted. There’s not quick fix when dealing with separation anxiety but here’s a few tips to start overcoming it bit by bit:

1. Leave your baby with someone you trust, that will minimise your anxiety. I will only leave my baby with my mother because she is the only person I trust that able to take good care on baby Clarisse. Baby Clarisse is quite close to my mother since my mother take care her for 2 months after her birth.
2. Usually I arrive my mother’s place early by 15-20 mins, I will stay there for some time to let my mother play with baby Clarisse, so that baby Clarisse will easily attach more to my mother and forget about me. Usually when baby Clarisse is happily playing with something, she will not bother where I am.
3. Talk to your baby, give her an advanced notice of your departure. Babies at this stage do understand what you are telling them. Baby Clarisse do respond when I told her “Momma and Papa need to go out to do some work and Clarisse stay with Popo”. Baby Clarisse extend open arms and wanted her grandma to carry and then wave her hands at us saying “Bye-bye”. Never sneak out of the house while your baby is not looking because she may begin to fear that you’ll leave her without warning at anytime and will respond with extra clinginess.
4. Do give your baby a hug and kiss to make a happy ritual out of leaving but never prolong the goodbyes or make them overly sentimental. My mother usually take baby Clarisse out of the house to let her watch us leaving the place, so that I can wave to her.

I begin by leaving baby Clarisse with my mother for half an hour for few days. This is to make sure she gradually gain confidence that I will return and she may be comfortable enough with these short outings to be ready for longer ones. After that, I slowly increase my time away from baby Clarisse until for several hours or even half a day.