Ferber’s “Cry It Out” baby sleep training method? No, thank you.

Posted on Sunday, December 30th, 2007 under Babies, Parenting, Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

When my baby Clarisse was 2 months old, one of my friend said I’m going to spoil my baby for attending to her whenever she cries during the night. She said I should just leave my baby on the bed and let her cry herself to sleep. Similar to what her sister does in the US, that is to train babies to sleep on their own. This way, the baby will learn to “self-soothe” and will not develop sleep associations that require someone else to put him to sleep. They even have a name for it – The Ferber Method, after Richard Ferber, America’s best-known expert on infant sleep. Also commonly known as the dreaded ‘Cry It Out’.

Well, two nights ago, we went out for a drink with her and again she brought it up, “still waking up and tend to your baby’s whims and fancies?”. She couldn’t resist another round of parenting lecture.

I began to read up about Ferber’s Cry It Out method sometime ago and indeed, it sounds like a good thing to train infants sleep independently. On the other hand, you’ve gotta be able to bear your baby’s heart-wrenching cries during the first few nights or more. Honestly, I couldn’t do it. The few instances when baby Clarisse cried for me during the night while I was busy to attend to her, I knew I couldn’t bear ‘feberizing‘ her.

I will own up to the fact that I’m biased against Ferber’s Cry It Out as well. I’m not alone it seems. There are mothers I personally know of who doesn’t practise Ferber’s Cry It Out method of sleep training on their babies. The main reason is of course the intolerable crying.

Pro-Ferber and anti-Ferber camps exists. There’s tons of professional studies and research done from both perspectives. You could probably do a search and find enough information to read for days on this topic. However, I couldn’t be bothered with it after a while. After all, as professional as it may sound, pro-Ferber and anti-Ferber studies are simply assertions on what’s going on in an infants mind.

Here’s what bends my decision to avoid Ferber’s Cry It Out:

I believe infants cry during the night because they’re hungry, not sleep problem. To deny them of breastmilk throughout the night, 8 to 10 hours on a stretch, seems like a very long gap indeed. If you really want to give Ferber’s Cry It Out method a try, forget about starting them as young as they can, unlike what my friend said. Suggesting I’d start feberizing my baby at two over months is way too early. It is recommended that babies below the age of 8 months old receives sufficient night time nursing simply because they need it. The earliest time you start subjecting your baby to Ferber’s Cry It Out sleep training is 3 to 4 months of age.
Sometimes, when I do not nurse my baby at night, my breasts feel engorged and this could risk breast infection. And I can’t seem to pump my breastmilk out despite numerous attempts.
“If you as a mother fail to train your infant to sleep on their own, you’ll end up having to wake up several times a night and nurse your baby”, that’s what I was told. Seems to me that one of the huge benefits of feberizing infants is to provide night time relief for mothers. In my case, I could afford to make up for lost sleep by taking naps during the day. I guess that’s one priviledge I have that allows me to give Ferber’s Cry It Out a miss.

I tend to keep my opinions to myself and do what I believe is right. And sometimes I could be dead wrong. I am strictly on the fence when it comes to taking Ferber’s Cry It Out baby sleep training method apart and engage in factual exchanges.

JO-N writes ...

Happy new year!

JO-N’s last blog post..Happy New Year Everyone!

December 31st, 2007 at 12:14 pm

Tot's Mom writes ...

Hmmm… I struggled with this problem as well when my son was a baby. It just seems too cruel to let him cry it out and my maternal instinct to soothe was too strong to let him cry himself to sleep. It was tiring, yes, but eventually, as he grows, this problem went away on its own. So, I guess patience is what is needed.
Anyway, have a Happy New Year and may 2008 brings much all that you are looking for!

Tot’s Mom’s last blog post..How Many Kids to Have?

December 31st, 2007 at 11:51 pm

Chris writes ...

I am struggling with wether or not to try this method too.
Researching brought me here.
I hope it is okay I post your article on my parenting website.
http://www.chatterscene.com
If not let me know and I will remove it.
i will have a link back to here too.
Oh and any one can feel free to join my site to see what article I have found so far or just to chat.

July 18th, 2008 at 9:08 am

William Hill writes ...

Ferber’s method isn’t “cry it out.” This is a complete myth. Ferber’s book is primarily an explanation of sleep research, with chapters on sleep associations and other issues and problems. There is a section on limit setting and progressive waiting, but the emphasis is on avoiding crying. Calling this “cry it out” is misleading at best; in my experience, nobody who makes the “cry it out” charge has actually read Ferber’s book.

In fact, if you read the preface to Ferber’s revised edition, you’ll see that he’s specifically rejected the idea of “cry it out.”

October 24th, 2008 at 8:10 pm

Crystal writes ...

Trust your instincts! Let baby sleep in your room (or better yet in your bed- assuming you follow safety guidelines for doing so) and attend to thier nighttime needs like all other humans have been doing since the dawn of time. It has been shown that monkey infants when left to “cry it out” have a raise in cortisol levels (stress-hormones) even when they finally give up on crying and that leads to all sorts of problems including poor growth and slower development. No research has been done with human babies because it is cruel to test on them, but it is enough evidence that I would not try it on my baby either. And William Hill is right Feber himself has rejected the “cry it out” method. Please don’t do this to your babies your setting them up for separation problems later in childhood not to mention numbing yourself to you childs crys.

January 8th, 2009 at 12:38 pm

Ingrid writes ...

Maternal instincts are much more trustworthy than any study in my opinion. Thanks for writing this. The fact that there aren’t any definitive studies on the subject leaves the question open to debate – and in the face of this uncertainty, I think following ones instincts is the best way to make a decision in this regard.

I have never met a mom that is entirely comfortable hearing their baby cry-it-out. There is a reason for this universal reaction on the part of moms- it’s actually best for us to attend to our babies!

The only reason we are faced with a making a decision around cry-it-out is because parenting is NOT supported in this country. Moms are pretty much left on their own (with occassional help from dads) to handle a baby. This is not natural for human beings – even though it happens everyday. Humans used to live in tribes with lots of people living together and sharing responsibilities. In a “tribe” setting – there are lots of adults around and they would help a new mother with her baby – giving her little breaks to eat and sleep and take care of her own needs as well. Without a tribe around, the mom doesn’t get to sleep, eat or take care of herself nearly to the level she needs to.

The times when I’ve visited with my large extended family, taking care of my infant was about 100 times easier – someone was always offering to hold him or play with him. Even just other children in the family could hold him and entertain him for a while – it didn’t have to be just the adults. If this was what my daily life was like, being surrounded by a large family, there’d be no need to consider a cry-it-out option. I’d have waaay more energy. But unfortunately we don’t live in “tribes” anymore – we live in nuclear families – a phenomenon of just the past 100 years for humans. This nuclear family structure, combined with families living so far away… results in a HUGE burden on new parents to care for their infant. It’s understandable that we want to find a solution – but unfortunately the solution is really that we need our tribe back – not that we need to “toughen up” babies by neglecting them at night.

February 12th, 2009 at 11:31 am

Jules writes ...

I don’t like the CIO method…especiallty in young babies. I think it’s cruel and selfish to deny a child the comfort and nutrition they need at night. Most babies sleep through the night eventually on their own and if your baby takes longer to sleep through the night you just have to be patient. No one ever said perenthood was going to be easy.

May 24th, 2009 at 11:47 pm

Helen writes ...

I am a 66 year old Mother of 8 grown children and a Grandmother of 29 and a great grandmother , have 1 so far I am very blessed….Just heard about some family members and a friend that is doing sleep training…I am a Christian woman…I have lost sleep from thinking about that these women are being decieved in this…I can hardly believe it…cried and cried over this madness…am praying the Lord will turn their hearts to their children cries…one baby is 4 months…lets them cry for an hour, maybe longer I dont know….it is abuse, clear and simple…my tears are for the helpless babies. I rocked my babies and nurtured them , by my love for them and natural instinct…and it is a sacrifice that a Mother is willing to do if their baby doesnt sleep thru the nite…I am appauled at this,,,Lord help these young women see, hear and have a heart to do what is natural, not whats written in a book…it is madness………Helen

June 21st, 2009 at 6:49 pm

Pamela Raupp writes ...

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February 2nd, 2010 at 6:59 pm